Almost 18

It's been a day that started in confusion and emo moments but ended up with something to be happy about. I had a fine time in my Healthcare class (I'm starting to really believe that I'm gonna be a health care professional someday). Hehe I tried to patch things up with my mom, hope it works out well. Also, I had a great time with my ever-funny and happy college friends Nitz, Micka, Annj, Gracie, Sarah. Kharl and Leonard. We helped Leonard out to come up with this surprise thing for his favorite girl Yanna, who is also a dear friend to all of us. Hehehe so kilig it was a success pa feeling ko ako yung sinurprise hahaha 

5 days to go and I'm 18! :D hehe not that I planned anything bongga for that day. It's just that during the past few SAD days, I've been 'overthinking' how turning 18 would be like. With all the stress I went through from picking out a place where I could actually celebrate, to the people I'll invite, to the budget planning (which by the way resulted into nothing), I thought about how this particular situation could be God's way of telling me that this is just the beginning of the many more days, months and years to come, filled with greater perils, emotional twists, etc that I, as a human being, will be going through. Lately, I've been annoyingly indecisive and I dragged my parents along my emotional instability (yup). To this, I'm super sorry now. Sorry mom. Sorry dad.

Sure I'm excited to receive some material gifts, to welcome my coming of age, to be "legal", to be an "official lady" haha and to let all the privileges of being 18 sink in my individuality. Plain awesome shizz

But as I faced stress, disappointments, all the negative stuff I've been feeling for days now, I kinda realized that being 18 will have to be more than just that. Reality will sooner or later show me how it's not just about what we literally see. It's going to be the starting line of my life, independent life. From here, it will be seriously about the little pieces of who I am --- from the decision-makings that I'm gonna have to take full responsibility for, to the things that I'll believe in, to the dreams I wish to really reach, to the relationships that I will want to nourish and keep for life, to the way I express myself, to my fashion preferences to the etc etc etc etc!! 

I'm not saying I'm mature enough to handle all these. In fact, I'm still a baby in so many ways. (Oo na pati sa size, mini pa rin lol) The way I talked to my mom days ago was just one proof of how irresponsible I can still be. You see, I really really really wanna be as 'ladylike', and 'mature' as possible, but somewhere along the way I tend to fall flat on my face (figuratively) and inflict pain/embarrassment on myself. Parang myself is telling to myself, "Ay pahiya, Blesse kase." 

What I'm trying to tell myself (and to you na rin haha) now is, my heart is somehow relieved to know that despite all my unnecessary drama, God will never EVER fail to lead me into a path that could be waaaay different from what I've always imagined and expected but will be surprising enough to amaze me in a level I'd never known to be there. By level, I mean faith. Closer father and daughter relationship hehe. Prayers. Faith. Love. Nakakaloka isipin pero ganun ata talaga eh. It's as if I was designed to be THIS weak so I could find true strength in Him. And you know what? I am. I'm wwweeeaaaakkkk!!!! But He blesses me always with stuff that sometimes I don't understand and thus can't appreciate just yet. Both happy and major flop moments, all of it, He continually gives me. Sometimes they're obviously splendid to the heart, other times they hurt me to death. But all of it, He does for my own good. So I guess I should be thanking Him for making me this weak you know....cos if I weren't like this, I could be turning 18, still blinded by all the fab things this turning of age has to offer. I could have missed out on this beautiful realization that it's only with Him that I can really age in a meaningful way. 18, 19, 20..... and so on!!!!!

And while I may still crave for all the fabulous things about being 18, at least they're not the ONLY things I'm craving for. I'm craving to be better in all the roles that I take in my life (student, daughter, sister, Filipino citizen hehhehe, future health care professional wahehehe, future wife HAHAHA and so on), to be a girl of good values and to be who God has purposefully created me to be. Of course it's not perfection I'm aiming for (if I did I'd surely be headed the wrong way)....rather it's just to reach my maximum potential as a kid who'll be staying here on earth for quite a while. Not to be the best and most awesome, or to feel good about myself, or to give myself a sense of superiority among my peers, but to simply accomplish my tasks as a lady-inhabitant of the planet earth. To simply do my own thing for the right reasons. Insodoing, I get to live a life that's a little less stressful and a little more pleasant not only to the eyes but to the heart as well. You see, I tend to be really selfish, but God's grace enables me to do away with it in the most interesting ways. Yup He's really really great like that. This blog doesn't even do any justice to His all-out awesomeness. 

My heart has never been more at peace. 

Cheers to the blessing of my humble turning of age,

Blesse